Trying to live the self-examined life.

I'm awake at 4 45 in the morning.

Makes you really think about stuff especially since you're alone in the night.

For some weird reason there are a few channels in Astro that's not working.

Channels like Star World, E!

I kinda need those channels

they normally show programmes like comedy which I enjoy very much.

Another discovery =D

There's a good reason why I like Coldplay a lot

compared to other bands.

Yeha I do like other bands too like Maroon 5, Black Eyed Peas

etc.

But I just feel that Coldplay's music speak to me better.

and their music gives me more comfort.

What kind of music am I talking about?

I'm not too sure myself really...

But their lyrics mean a lot to me...

Gives you the emo feel,

yet at the same time.

They tell you to accept the way things are.

and that

sometimes life is unfair,

but I'm still alive.

sometimes you can't get the love that you want.

and you ask yourself whether is she really gonna be there for you.

Asking yourself

are you deserving enough?

How do people demand for things?

How can they?

When they probably did nothing to earn it.

I know I don't deserve the life I have already.

and should anything to my life that would change my lifestyle forever.

I think I'll understand.

My works

My effort

its not enough to deserve the life I have.

Having a mixture of

thankful-ness

and

self-hate for receiving such wonderful pleasures in life

when I know I don't deserve them.

Life really has never-ending questions.

If you ever stop asking questions in life.

Its probably after the day you die.

Do you have secrets?

Like secrets you will never even tell your best friend?

I have too many.

Bottling them inside me is suffocating.

But if I let it out.

My best friends are going to get hurt.

I don't think I should tell anyone.

As much as I need to.

Telling the Lord.

Just ends up in me feeling so guilty.

More self-hate.

Oh by the way.

I'm going to Singapore in less than 3 weeks.

Its next next Saturday I think.

Sorry I never talked about this sooner.

I have a presentation in about 10 hours.

It took me more than 30 minutes to finish this post.

I should go.

Before my tears reach the floor.

JojoNuts